When God places you into leadership you are given a different vision than that given to the lay-people. It is one of brokenness and need. I believe that this is so that we never forget our need for God.
For a brief time this past year I was in a major role of leadership in my church. I was privy to difficult things, I had to make difficult decisions, I had to put the church ahead of myself, sometimes I had to make choices that left people angry and upset because I would never fully be able to explain it to them. But in every action, God was there. He spoke to my heart when I needed wisdom, he gave me compassion when I wanted to be angry, he gave me boldness to speak when I was shaking in fear.
But even with God there, I felt the brokenness of the world; I still feel it. I feel the impossibility of a perfect church. I feel the deception of the evil one trying to tear people apart in anger and distrust. I feel personally attacked with doubt of God’s love for me. I feel anxiety because I know now that the world is not a safe place because of it’s brokenness. I have a perspective of darkness.
I am trying to regain God’s perspective of light. Yes the world is broken, but God is the creator and the healer of all things. The evil one attacks and spreads lies and discord, but God is our refuge; the teller of truth; the one who brings all things together. The world is not a safe place, but God is our shelter.
In the end, God wins; Love wins! I am trying to wrap myself in that truth, making a shield around me; to inhale it so it fills my soul and pushes out all the dark places. It is frustrating that healing and learning seems so slow. But God sees eternity, and one day I will be fully in the light and out of the darkness.
mylifeabundant 