Why I un-decorated my tree…

Today I un-decorated my tree. It went up the weekend after Remembrance Day, and the kids convinced me to put all the decorations on it. It was nice, but not very meaningful. I did not feel the wonder of Christmas. In fact I was a bit stressed out because of the chaos of it all. And afterwards, L said to me, ” Mommy, that wasn’t as fun as I thought it would be.” That spoke to my heart.

You see, Christmas for our family isn’t about pretties, and things. It is about the hope, love, peace and joy that came when Jesus was born. I know that the dates are probably wrong and he wasn’t actually born that day. But celebrating all of these things shouldn’t have a date attatched to them. Needless to say, I feel compelled to combat the materialistic aura of Christmas by bringing as much meaning to our family traditions as possible.

Today, I received a set of Jesse Tree ornaments and the book “Unwrapping the Greatest Gift” by Ann Voskamp. Each day of December, we will put an ornament onto our tree. Each ornament has an artistic reminder of a story. Each story is a part of a greater story, that of God’s plan for humanity coming to pass in the person of Jesus. This is what I want my kids to remember. That God loves them so much that he come to earth as a baby, then grew up and died for them so they wouldn’t have to. And because He is God, he then rose again after three days. This is more magical than Santa Clause, and more meaningful because it is truth! In fact, this is what drove Saint Nick to begin giving to others at Christmas. It was the hope, joy, love and peace of Christ.

But as I looked at my decorated tree tonight, I realized that all the clutter, all the pretties, would diminish the importance of the story to be told. And so, I un-decorated it. . I am so looking forward to the stories to come in December. I am looking forward to my daughter and son learning the stories and placing them into their hearts. I am looking forward to remembering the meaning behind my faith, the reason that I strive for peace, hope, joy and love in my own life.

And now, as I look at my bare tree, the wonder of Christmas returns. And with it come hope, joy, peace and love.

Dancing

I’m dancing in a dream. In my head I know the steps to take, but my feet seem glued to the floor. I keep looking at them, trying to make them move. My partner keeps trying to tell me to look at him, he’ll show me how to move. But I can’t look at him. Not until I can do it on my own.

I feel like this is true lately. I’ve watched my quality of life decline as I have stopped exercising and stopped eating well. I have sought God, but only on things that are separate from my physical being. I have forgotten that it is all connected, the physical, the emotional and the spiritual. I have watched as my mood has swung out of my control, I yell more, I hide more from my family, I am impatient. I have watched as my energy has depleted, taking me away from my husband and my kids, even from my work a little bit. Can exercise and eating well really mean this much?

And then the feelings of shame and frustration with myself. For not having the will power to do something. For making unhealthy choices over and over again. For failing my family and myself and God.

God has placed me into the perfect place for this time. I am participating in a Bible study called “Unglued” by Lisa TerKeurst. Even though it is speaking about bringing our emotions under control, the principles have spoken to me about bringing my physical health under God’s control as well.

Principle #1: Remove the labels!

We label ourselves all the time. Others label us. Society labels us. Some of these labels seem positive: organized, powerful, gentle. The problem lies not in what the label says (although many of them are negative), but in the nature of the label itself. When we label something, we are giving it identity. This box is for cars…nothing else can go into it. Labels tell us that we are summed up in one word. Then when we fail to be that one thing, we feel guilty, shamed, a failure.

So I have labelled myself as a healthy person, but then I have failed to be that healthy person, which explains my infinite feelings of guilt and shame over that failure. But I was never meant to be “only” a healthy person. I was meant to be someone more than that, I was meant to be Jenny.  There are so many other facets to my identity beyond being a healthy person.

Principle 2: Identify the issues

Identifying the issues in my life does not mean I AM my issues. They are a very small part of who I am. IT is beneficial to know what you need to work on, for then your prayers and goals can be specific. Your actions can be focused. One NEEDS to be moving forward, and we NEED to know our issues in order to take the steps that will bring change.

My issues are food addiction and emotional eating, both of which lead me to overeat and eat bad for me food. Then my hormones get out of wack and I feel tired and unmotivated. Then I can’t seem to get off my butt to exercise. Then I begin to feel ashamed and guilty. Then I start yelling at my kids and husband. Then I feel stressed. Then I eat. It’s a vicious cycle.

Principle 3: Make imperfect progress.

Perfect progress is an impossibility. Yes, we were made to be the image of God, but even God knows that we are not going to attain that goal while here on earth. There is to much brokenness in us and around us. But He has a plan.

He gives us glimpses of the perfect ‘us’ he created. He gives us strength and wisdom to take baby steps toward completeness. He gives us grace to cover over our earthly imperfections. And he gives us reminders that this is not the end, it is only a small part in His eternal plan. He holds our completeness in His hand, waiting for eternity.

I think that this verse sums up this idea.

“ For now, we see only a reflection as in a mirror;then we shall see face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I am fully known.” 2 Corinthians 13:12

And so, knowing that we will only see a reflection of our perfectness here on earth; knowing that God’s grace covers over us; knowing that He walks behind and beside and in front of us helping, protecting and carrying; we can confidently take baby steps forward, imperfect progress.

It is this study that has motivated my husband and I to take baby steps towards physical health, which in turn will help us become the parents and partners we want to be, which in turn will lead our children and others (we hope) to be kingdom minded. This is one of our abundant life goals…

Now time to look up, into God’s eyes and let him help me move my feet in baby steps…dancing towards his light…imperfectly, but dancing nonetheless.

Ecclesiastes Week

I honestly feel like I have failed this week. Maybe it’s just the weather, but I’ve been feeling low. I’ve been echoing the words of the writer of Ecclesiastes…”everything is meaningless.” I’ve been finding it so difficult to find the motivation to do anything.

This last week of the Spending Challenge has been about finding money in unexpected places. I struggled…not because the challenges were hard…but because life seemed hard this week.

Day 1: Sell Your Stuff…I actually haven’t sold many things online. And because we live in an apartment we don’t do garage sales (although I’m working on a creative solution for that). So I took this challenge to heart and signed up for Varagesale. It was easy, and all you need are pictures of what you want to sell. I posted my stroller (are my kids really that old?) and last years halloween costumes. I was pleased to have hits on the halloween costumes right away, selling one of them in the end. And just today, I sold the stroller for exactly what I wanted! I’m still not sure it’s something I’ll do regularly, there’s an element of feeling rejected if my things don’t sell. Silly, I know.

Day 2: Get Free Money…the author posted 4 ideas for how to find free money. The most applicable to me were going through the house looking for spare change and finding forgotten gift cards. My husband is the king of gift cards. He enters a lot of contests and does online quizzes to earn them. We haven’t done the money hunt through the house yet, but it’s on my to do list for this month.

Day 3: Get Free Stuff…this is not my area. The best I can do at finding free stuff is going to the library for books and movies (which actually costs me money because I’m so bad at bringing things back on time). My husband, on the other hand, finds free stuff everywhere. He takes online quizzes and challenges for Microsoft, getting points and exchanging them for product. He enters pumpkin contests (and wins) for free gift cards. He gets swag from vendors from his work. He takes flower arrangements from staff functions (he asks first) and brings them home. He looks for free samples everywhere and is not bashful about hunting them down! He volunteers at functions and is often given free stuff as a Thank You. He looks for amazing cereal box coupons for free clothes, movie tickets and groceries. In fact, on one of our first dates, we went to the grocery store, bought cereal with movie ticket coupons, then went to the movie (smuggling in the cereal for a snack). He is nothing short of a Spendthrift Superman.

Day 4: Try Bartering: I do this unconsciously all the time. I trade baking and babysitting regularly! I will often babysit my neighbour’s daughter in exchange for chips! It also helps to have really generous neighbours!

Day 5: Enjoy a Free Date Night…We started this at the beginning of the month. We made two date jars…one for S and myself…and one for family dates. Each jar has Popsicle sticks with date ideas and a symbol at the top; one symbol for free dates, and one for dates that require money. So far, my husband and I have played Five Crowns, Bananagrams, Skip Bo, had a movie marathon weekend, and had a homemade wing night. For family dates we have played board games and card games, done a family Iron Chef day, and done Pumpkin Carving. We have been reminded how to enjoy the simple company of each other as we do these things, with no bells and whistles to entertain us. Our conversations and laughter have been worth all the money in the world. (PS. I won a prize for submitting this idea on Instagram!:)

Day 6:Have Fun With Your Family…Like i said earlier, we do one family date a week, on Saturdays. But this challenge landed on a Thursday, so I took my kids to a picnic table beside the river and we played restaurant for an hour before my daughters gymnastics class. It can be fun to play with your kids, and when you put your phone away, the joy you see on their faces and the noticeable decrease in their anxiety and stress is worth it!

Day 7: Reflect (see above)

Last 3 days of the challenge:

Day 29:Re-assess your budget…S and I have started using “You Need A Budget” and meet about once a month to look at how the month went and what areas we can cut back in. It’s always groceries, eating out and my spending that we need to work on.

Day 30: Plan for the Future…Time to think about debt reduction, retirement, saving for kids education, charities you want to be involved in, etc. S and I have been doing this over the past few months and previous posts have highlighted some of what we are doing. Ultimately, we need to know why we do this, because eventually you will have an Ecclesiastes week (like I did this week) where everything seems meaningless. What’s the point of paying off debt when your car is going to break down and you’ll have to go back into debt to fix it? What’s the point of saving for retirement when you need that money right now? All of these things ran through my head this week, and the idea of being faithful to what God has given us and moving towards a place where we can be much more generous to others than what we are is what moves us onward. That, and our trip to Disneyland when we finally get past our humongous fortress of debt!

Day 31:What Not To Do Now…This is the day to evaluate what small ideas from the last 31 days you will incorporate into your daily forever life. This is not the day to take your credit card to the store and buy everything you’ve been missing all month.

So what is the Sanders family taking away from this month?

1. Look at what you have in your kitchen BEFORE you make your meal plan, basing meals around those ingredients instead of what you are craving.
2. When making your grocery list (based on the meal plan) categorize foods into Needs and Wants…then if you are over budget, you can put back your wants and stick to the needs.
3. Use the crock-pot and cold meals for the terribly busy days.
4. Don’t eat out spontaneously, instead plan it into your monthly meal plan as something to look forward to.
5. Speed clean your house every day so that you and your family will WANT to be at home.
6. Teach your kids to be creative and to enjoy free activities.
7. Be purposeful about finding free money and free stuff.
8. Be creative with what you already have!
9. Budget, budget, budget!
10. Dream about what you want life to be like in 10 years, and then make choices that will move you toward that goal!

And lastly, we have taken away almost $2000 to put on our debt! Wahooo!

This challenge has given me new attitudes, ideas and approaches to money. It has challenged me spiritually as I have thought about what God’s plan for generosity and good stewardship are. I have been stretched, I have succeeded, and I have failed. But most of all I have moved closer to living the abundant life God has for me. I would call that a successful 31 days!