Actions speak louder than words

Today I visited a different church than usual. The first thing I noticed was its affirming posture, rainbow ribbons available to take right when you walk in as a show of allyship to the LGBTQ2+ communities. Immediately, I was happy, because queer people could walk in, see those ribbons, and be assured that they were stepping into a safe place. Non-queer people could walk in, see these ribbons and know that the standard set by this community was affirming, not condemnation.

Secondly, The first thing said from the pulpit was a land acknowledgement, affirming Indigenous people that the church recognized that the land on which the they were meeting was unceded territory, taken by force. This acknowledgement was a sign of gratitude to the Indigenous people for the continued use of the land. Every time I hear a land acknowledgement, it makes me feel strengthened as an Indigenous woman. People are learning our history and responding.

These two things were the most important moments of my visit, I think, because I have been wondering if there were churches that existed that would stand up for LOVE in a visible, no-doubt, action based kind of way. Normally, I walk into church hoping that I will feel welcomed. The pastor says, “All are welcome here,” but for the minorities and oppressed, those coming to church with scars from trauma religious organizations and Christians have caused, that phrase is not enough. It is the actions of the church that make the difference. The land acknowledgement, the visible rainbow, the trauma informed words and actions that truly make them feel safe.

And for the first time in a long time, I felt wholly welcomed in a church. All the parts of me…the ally, the Indigenous, the theologian.

Accept One Another: A message from my heart

It has been over 3 years now since the death of George Floyd sparked the flurry of justice and equality movements.  God used this tragic event to show me places in my heart that needed a lot of work. Parts of my life ideologies that needed tweaking. He also challenged me to be more bold and call people to examine their own hearts. From that, I wrote this message. I challenge you to open your heart to what the Holy Spirit may say to you during this time. It may not be easy to hear, but to fully give and experience the love of Jesus, I think that the message of “Accept One-Another” in light of the racism, prejudice, inequality and pure hatred that is prevalent around the world is a necessary one.

Romans 15:5-7

“May the God who gives endurance and encouragement give you the same attitude of mind toward each other that Christ Jesus had,  so that with one mind and one voice you may glorify the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ. Accept one another, then, just as Christ accepted you, in order to bring praise to God. “

” May the God who gives endurance and encouragement…”

These first few words do two things:

1. Reaffirm who God is and what he has given us
2. Give us a glimpse at what accepting others will be like

God gives endurance and encouragement. I can move into action knowing that God’s got my back.

God gives endurance and encouragement. The journey will not be easy…otherwise I would not need endurance or encouragement. I imagine those of you who have run marathons can relate to needing endurance and encouragement. These types of races hurt, they test the weakest parts of ourselves, they stretch even the strongest parts of ourselves. Some run to conquer the impossible. Some to support others. Some to get fit. Whatever the reason…it is the victory at the end that makes it worthwhile. And so it is with the hard parts of following God.

“May the God who gives endurance and encouragement give you the same attitude of mind toward each other that Christ Jesus had.”

As Jesus prayed before he went to the cross, he spent time praying for his disciples and for all believers to come. His words speak the attitude of mind that Christ has toward people.

John 17:  20-21  ^{“My prayer is not for them alone. I pray also for those who will believe in me through their message, that all of them may be one, Father, just as you are in me and I am in you. May they also be in us so that the world may believe that you have sent me.}

He prays for our unity. He prays that through our unity, the world will know and understand God.

John 17:26  “I have made you known to them, and will continue to make you known in order that the love you have for me may be in them and that I myself may be in them.”

He prays that we would have God’s love. The attitude of mind Christ has towards others is unity and love. Therefore our words and actions should also strive to bring unity and love.

 ^{“… so that with one mind and one voice you may glorify the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ.}“

To have one mind and one voice there is an incredible amount of work involved. we must actively surrender ourselves and we must actively accept others according to God’s direction. I know from experience that this is difficult.  and I will touch on this later. All of this work is done solely to glorify God. The meaning of glorify is to “acknowledge and reveal the majesty and splendor of (God) by one’s actions.” And so, as I look at my life, and you look at yours, can we honestly say that we are acknowledging the splendor of God and revealing it to others as we live our daily lives?

“Accept one another, then, just as Christ accepted you,…”

Accept one another…acceptance…

The dictionary has several definitions but these two stuck out to me.

1…finding something or someone suitable

2…the action of consenting to receive.

I think that this translates into how we accept people. When we truly accept someone we not only find them suitable…but we also consent to receive from them. When we consent to receive we acknowledge value. K, my son, loves to draw. On a typical day he will create 5 or more drawings each with a long and detailed story to go with them. Everyday he presents them to me as a gift, so excited to share with me. Now I have a choice. I can consent to receive these pictures and stories or I can say no thank you.  I am not proud of this,  but sometimes, I feel so overwhelmed by the amount of paper and listening acceptance would require, that I say no. And I can tell you that as soon as I refuse to receive from him, his sense of value shrinks. As such, when we consent to receive from another person, without critique or judgement, we are showing them that we value them. I believe that this is also God’s heart for the communities we are in. We are to accept others by being open to receive from them.

“As Christ accepted us…”

So many verses point to God’s acceptance of us as his family, but this is a difficult thing to imagine. The families we have in this world are so broken. But if you think of the best parts of families…the love, the care, the hospitality, the support, the consent to receive each persons viewpoint, gifts and talents…you can maybe glimpse how Christ has accepted us into His family.

I have had to ask myself…do I accept others like that? Do I look at the black man coming towards me and have only love, care, hospitality, and support for him? Do I consent to receive the experiences, words, songs, poems, ideology that he has to share with me? Do I look at the Indigenous woman with her children at the park and only want love, care, hospitality and support for her? Do I consent to receive the richness of the culture she brings with her? What is my response when I interact with people who are part of the LGBTQ2+ community? Do I look on them with the love, care, hospitality and support that Christ does? Do I consent to receive all the amazing talents, gifts, and stories that God has given them?

Even more so, do I consent to receive the pain that others have gone through? Will I listen to their stories and respond…”I believe you..” without judgment or trying to fix something?  Will I accept the correction I am given when my privileged ways of seeing and doing hurt or devalue others? Do I accept that others have a different lens of God than I do and that they could show me new and wonderful things about Him?

I’m sad to say that I haven’t always accepted others. I have stayed silent as people were ridiculed. I have crossed the street to avoid contact with people who are different than me. I have talked to people with pre-conceived notions in my head about who they are and what their story is. I have tried to justify the actions of others to make them seem less hurtful to the marginalized or oppressed. These things were not right, and I am so sorry. In the past weeks and years, God has revealed so much of His heart for the marginalized and oppressed to me. I have been convicted by my actions or lack of action that have hurt others. I have confessed to God and where I am able I have confessed my sin to the people I have hurt. I am working to change. And now, I am calling you to do the same. Examine your heart. What is the Holy Spirit calling you to do?

Acts 10:34b-35 “I now realize how true it is that God does not show favoritism but accepts from every nation the one who fears him and does what is right.”

Christ accepted us with no favoritism. He does not look at us and rank us according to status or skin colour. He does not sort us into lesser sins and larger sins. No, he accepts us…period. As soon as we proclaim…we believe… he shouts in joy…I accept! No ifs, ands, or buts. No waiting to get it right or to line up our ducks. He simply accepts us.

Is that how we look upon others? Or do we sort people into “appropriate” and “inappropriate” boxes. How can we even do that…only Christ can see what really matters…

The heart.

So I wonder…how can you know a persons heart  simply by seeing the colour of their skin? How can you know a persons heart simply by seeing a cultural tradition you don’t understand? How can you know a persons heart simply by observing who they love? Christ himself was deemed by the Pharisees to be inappropriate because he was hanging out with the adulterers, the prostitutes, the tax collectors, the foreigners, the servants. He was knowing their hearts…we need to seek to do the same.

Ask questions…listen to stories with open hearts…say “I believe you”…

And as we accept in these ways…as family…without favoritism…looking at the heart… I believe we will see a glimpse of heaven…the heaven described in Revelation 11. I will leave you with portions of that scripture.

^“After this I looked, and there before me was a great multitude that no one could count, from every nation, tribe, people and language, standing before the throne and before the Lamb. They were wearing white robes and were holding palm branches in their hands.  And they cried out in a loud voice:

“Salvation belongs to our God,
who sits on the throne,
and to the Lamb.”…

^“…Then one of the elders asked me, “These in white robes—who are they, and where did they come from?…These are they who have come out of the great tribulation; they have washed their robes and made them white in the blood of the Lamb. Therefore,

“they are before the throne of God
    and serve him day and night in his temple;
and he who sits on the throne
    will shelter them with his presence.
 ‘Never again will they hunger;
    never again will they thirst.
The sun will not beat down on them,’
    nor any scorching heat.
 For the Lamb at the center of the throne
    will be their shepherd;
‘he will lead them to springs of living water.’
    ‘And God will wipe away every tear from their eyes.”

Prosperity, Peace and Safety.

“For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, ” plans to prosper you and not to harm you. Plans to give you hope and a future.” Jeremiah 29:11

This verse is often used to remind people that the difficult times in life will be used for good. I honestly don’t like to use it that way, it seems like cherry picking to me; Choosing a verse to suit what the reader wants it to say. But the story that surrounds it shows me God’s character, and that is what gives me hope and helps me know that the plans God has for me are good.

The Israelites at this time had been brought to Babylon in exile. The prophets are sharing God’s words with them. This exile was because of Israel’s refusal to follow God, after many warnings. I bet they were feeling devastated. Their land and livelihoods were stripped from them. Families were torn apart. And they were forced to live in a land that was full of the traditions and routines that went against what God had shown them was good.

So God, like a loving parent, told them, ” Put down roots, make lives for yourselves, pray to me. You’re going to be here for a while. Help the city find peace and prosperity, because then you will also have these things. Stay true to me. ”

I wonder if the Israelites were confused at this point? I wonder if they struggled to accept that God had placed them in this place for a long time.

“You’re going to be here for 70 years, ” God said, ” and then I will restore you. I will bring you back to me. I have this good plan, where you will eventually realize that you need me. You will come back to me, and I will welcome you with open arms. This is where you will find true prosperity. This is here you will be safe from harm. “

At least, that is how I interpret these verses in Jeremiah. You see, God’s plan for us to find prosperity and peace and safety are all entwined in our relationship with him. When we draw close to him, we will find these things that we long for.

There is a reality to living in a fallen world, that there will be suffering. We do experience glimpses of heaven here on earth. We experience healing, peace beyond understanding, community, love. But all of these things are not fully what God has for us. So we also need to live knowing that part of our prosperity, our peace, and our safety will only be experienced in God’s new earth, heaven. Until then, we can put down roots, make lives for ourselves and pray. We can seek the peace and prosperity of the communities God has placed us in. We can to stay true to God.

Not Bread Alone

Jesus answered, ” It is written, ‘Man shall not live on bread alone, but on every word that comes from the mouth of God.'” (Matthew 4:4)

This has double meaning for me today.

1. That I can fight the lies, temptations and schemes of the enemy with the word of God.
2. That I do not need food to help me deal with my messy life.

There I said it. I have a problem. I am an emotional eater; a food addict. I don’t know why this is such a source of shame for me. I have never been willing to share my intense struggle with emotional eating on social media. But today, I am…mostly because I need the accountability. I need to say to someone that I am putting this part of my life into the hands of God.

I have always used food for comfort and celebration. If something bad happened in our family, we got ice cream or went out to eat. If something good happened in our family, we got ice cream or went out to eat.

There is also the fact that I grew up in a large family. If I wanted the good stuff I had to eat it right away, no waiting for tomorrow because it wouldn’t be there.

So, what does that mean when I now live a life of almost constant stressors? Well, it means that I am eating… all the time.

In addition to eating because of these reasons, I also know that when I start eating, I can’t seem to stop. I will eat until I feel sick or extremely full. Here is where the shame train begins. Even writing this I wonder, “What will people think of me?”

I need God’s word to counteract the lies that are causing me to eat. I will put these scriptures in my heart and on my fridge. I want to live out the fighting words that I need the Word of God (both scripture and Jesus) more than food.

So let’s do the work together. What are the lies I am believing when I binge eat at night after long, stressful day? What scriptures will counteract these lies in my heart?

I deserve this for all I had to put up with today. I am totally depleted and need this.

“My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me. For the sake of Christ, then, I am content with weaknesses, insults, hardships, persecutions, and calamities. For when I am weak, then I am strong. (2 Corinthians 12:9-10)

Food will take away these feelings of frustration/anger/exhaustion/hopelessness.

“No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us. For I am sure that neither death nor life, nor angels nor rulers, nor things present nor things to come, nor powers, nor height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God in Christ Jesus our Lord.” (Romans 8:37-39)

I am empty, I need to be full.

“My flesh and my heart may fail,
But God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever.” (Psalm 73:26)

“I, the Lord, am your God,
Who brought you up from the land of Egypt;
Open your mouth wide and I will fill it.” (Psalm 81:10)

I feel so lonely, I need to feel better fast, food will make me feel good.

 “So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.”(Isaiah 41:10)

What lies do you need God’s word to counteract in your life?

Light in a Dark World

I am the light of the world. Whoever follows me will never walk in darkness, but will have the light of life.” John 8:12

Light is always stronger than the darkness.

So why do we not see it sometimes? Are we refusing to open our eyes? Or has someone put a blindfold on us?

I think it could be both.

Sometimes, we become so used to looking at the dark parts of our lives that we no longer turn towards the light. Jesus is the light, and sometimes, when things are really hard in my life all I can do is think of the hard things. I can not seem to identify the light in my life; the blessings, the power, the love.

I also believe in spiritual warfare, that there is battle going on for our souls. The enemy will do everything in his power to make us believe that there is no light or that the light is inaccessible to us. So sometimes, I think that I can not see the light because I am in the midst of a battle and there has been a blindfold placed over my spiritual eyes.

But the answers to both of these circumstances is Jesus.

He is the light that we need to turn to, and he is the powerful warrior that can take off our blindfolds. We need to cry out to him, if not in our words than in our heart. He will be faithful and answer. As I think back, I have never had a time when he did not answer me in love. He is the always available, always ready, always powerful light in the darkness.

Schedules and my Saviour.

I may be the only teacher in the world who usually doesn’t enjoy the summer all that much. For most teachers, it means freedom from schedules and routines. But for our family, the lack of schedule and routine is a sure fire way into chaos. My depression rears it’s ugly head if I don’t have goals for each day. My son gets emotionally overloaded without a routine to follow and activities to look forward to. So I have learned that in order for summer to be successful, I need to plan. I need to create schedules and activities. I need to make summer predictable and controlled.

But I have also learned that schedules and routines can also take God’s place in my life. I can become so focused on controlling our lives to avoid depression and emotional meltdowns, that I miss out on what God has for me each day.

(Psalm 143:8) Let the morning bring me word of your unfailing love, for I have put my trust in you. Show me the way I should go, for to you I entrust my life.

One of the most important ways I can start my day is by meeting with God in it. No, I don’t read my Bible for hours or pray until my knees hurt. But I do take the time to spend the first 5 minutes of my day reading the Bible or listening to worship music. I find that I then have what I need to face the unpredictable parts of life that come. Even if I am the best planner in the world, I can guarantee that life will be messy anyways. And I am so glad that I can entrust my messy life to the one that created it in the first place.

Day 1- Philippians 4:4-7

” Rejoice in the Lord always. I will say it again. Rejoice! Let your gentleness be evident to all. The Lord in near. Don’t worry about anything, but in everything, through prayer and petition with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding will guard your heart and your minds.”

I’ve been sitting in my worry. Stewing in it, like a frog that doesn’t know it’s being boiled alive. It’s so easy to let the “what if” statements take over your mind and then your day and your life.

I have never felt more out of control than when I am watching my son in a red zone*. There is literally nothing you can say or do to make him snap out of it. All you can do is keep him safe, ignore the scary words that come out of his mouth (even though they break your heart and terrify you) and pray.

I have listened to the lies of the enemy for too long. “The the Lord is far away. He does not want to help or give peace. He cares little for the struggles we walk through everyday. If he really cared he would take all this pain away.”

How dangerous these lies are. The enemy has come the steal our peace with these lies. To destroy our trust in God. To kill our hope.

But these fighting words in Philippians, they speak the truth.

The Lord is near to us, not as a passive observer or a cruel one. He is there as a loving Father. He wraps you in his arms and holds you. He strokes your back as you cry. He takes your worries for you so you can be released from the grip they have held you in for so long. You can feel the weight of them lift and a profound peace washes over you. It doesn’t make sense, nothing about your circumstance has changed. But it is there, this peace. And you feel upheld, stronger, more steady than you did before. You can’t help but praise him now. Rejoice! I’ll say it again. Rejoice!

*A red zone is when you have lost control of your emotions; usually in anger, to the point where you are no longer in control of your actions or words. This is usually followed by intense shame as realization of what you’ve said and done sets in.

100 Days of Fighting Words

I have been living in darkness. Constant worry, anger, frustration, exhaustion. It partly stems from living in crisis mode as I parent a child who struggles with depression, rage, anxiety and suicidal thoughts. It’s partly because of my disappointment in the church…it’s ever so slow journey towards reconciliation with Indigenous people…it’s lack of love and respect for the BIPOC and LGTBQ+ communities. It is partially because of my own choice to become isolated from God’s word and to fill my life with things like food, romance novels, TV and shopping.

But as things get worse, I realize more and more my need for God and His word in my life. I know that this is what I need, because I’ve had it before. I’ve had that sweet communion that carries me through the dark valley’s. You’d think that this would be enough to keep me in God’s word for a life-time; but just like the Israelites in the Old Testament- I am a fickle person.

So I picked up a book*…not the Bible itself…that seems intimidating right now. But one to help me find the verses that will fight back the darkness. So here we go, 100 days of Fighting Words.

*Fighting Words: 100 Days of Speaking Truth into Darkness by Ellie Holcomb

Who do I want to be?

This question has been coming up repeatedly for me lately. In books I’m reading, in work meetings, in shows I’m watching. It’s really given me purpose for my summer and for the upcoming school year.

I’ve been trying to focus on my physical health a lot this year. I’ve worked with a hormone nutritionist/coach, I’ve gone gluten and sugar free (for the most part) because these two foods really affect my anxiety, I’ve started exercising more. I keep choosing books to help me with this and one that I picked up was called , “Healthy as F*ck” by Oonagh Duncan. Now despite the copious amount of swearing, the foundational goals that it recommended were actually ones that I have learned about long ago and the in your face dialogue in the book made it feel more accessible for some reason. It really challenged me to focus, not just on my physical health, but also on my mind and soul.

The question “Who do you want to be?” came up in this book, and then kept showing up in other areas of my life. I really started meditating on it and was able to set up some foundational goals that I know will keep me healthy for the long term. Some of these goals are from the book, some are from other conversations I’ve had. I want to stay accountable so I’m making them public.

1. I want to be someone who takes care of her heart and soul. Every morning I want to ask, “Jesus, who do you want me to be?” For me this means spending the first part of my day, whether it’s 5 minutes or 30, reading my Bible and meditating/praying through what’s going on in my life. I have done this before, but have not made it a habit yet. I know that it makes a HUGE difference in my day, so this is the first habit I want to make real. I love most of the bible studies from Proverbs 31 Ministries and am participating in one now!
2. I want to be someone who has authentic family relationships. This means that I spend purposeful time with my family. I can tend to get really self-focused at home and hide from my family. But I know that real relationships are what matter in a family, so I want to make sure to spend time each day listening to and playing with my kids and husband. Spending this time is what makes my kids more responsive and kind when I ask them to do chores or help me with something. I am also really conscious that as my kids grow, I need to be really purposeful about keeping the lines of communication open with them. I want them to be able to come talk with me about anything, so building relationship is important. My marriage is also a top priority, so regular dates and even just doing puzzles together is a huge must! My husband is my best friend, and I want it to stay that way.
3. I want to have a home that feels safe and peaceful. Part of peace in our home, for me anyways, is having it relatively clean. I feel more settled, but I am also ready to say, “YES!” when my kids want to have friends over or someone wants to drop by. I have been learning about how to have a clean house, but not spend every second of the day cleaning from Taylor Cole. My goal over the summer is to deep clean each room in my house and set up a manageable schedule to make sure it stays clean. Once the deep clean is done, I shouldn’t have to spend more than an hour a day cleaning! Most days it will only be 30 minutes.
4. I want to have a healthy and strong body that is ready to do what it needs to each day. I have learned so much about supporting my body with my hormonal nutritionist/coach, Becca Collins. I have already implemented so many good changes to the way I eat. I started eating to balance my blood sugar. I have started using collagen more to add protein to my diet. I have learned how to use castor packs to help my body detox better. I have learned how to support my adrenal glands so that my body can withstand stress better. Her guidance has been and still is so valuable to me. My challenge has been to eat enough veggies, so my new goal is to eat two servings of veggies at every meal. I also tend to eat emotionally, so I also want to only eat when I’m hungry. As for exercise, I want to begin strength training 3 times a week for 30 minutes and go for a walk 5 times a week. I think this is a sustainable goal. Also, I want to get 8 hours of sleep each night. I want to have a sleep schedule so that my body knows it is safe and doesn’t have to freak out when stress comes. It’s amazing how much sleep changes the way our body and hormones function!
5. I want to expand my learning…but still have fun. I have been following the whispers of my heart and diving into expanding my knowledge and experience of my Indigenous heritage. I am taking two classes this summer at the Vancouver School of Theology Indigenous Studies Summer School that will take me closer to my goal of being a meaningful part of reconciliation between the Indigenous people of Canada and the individual person. I want to become the Indigenous liaison at the school I work at, and God has been bringing even more opportunities to me to help non-Indigenous people understand the history of Indigenous people in Canada and how that impacts them today. In addition to my classes, I want to make sure I am reading to enrich all the different habits and goals I have. I have a pile of non-fiction books that I want to read. But I also know how important it is to just have fun this summer. For me, reading is my favourite so next to my pile of non-fiction books is a pile of cheesy romance novels, my favourite escape!

I know this seems like a lot, but I am not expecting perfection in myself. I am very aware of my body and emotional state, and if on any day I need to change things, I am going to do that. These are lifetime goals, so I can take my time reaching them. I am so far forward from where I began years ago, these are just a map of my next steps. The path may not be straight, but it will be enjoyable!

My Hearts Cry…

I’m watching Hidalgo; I cry while watching the beginning as the people of Wounded Knee are slaughtered. I’m thankful that it in no way was made light of in this movie. I’m thankful that it acknowledges the wrong done. It is not always so.

I have always felt attached to my Indigenous heritage, yet removed because of my upbringing outside of the reserve. I have asked God, “Why is my heart turned to my people, yet I have not been placed with them?” ” Why have you placed me in an area with so few Indigenous people?” I live in Richmond, a place that has a majority population of Asian cultures.

I have long felt that I must choose between two desires- to be more directly involved with the reconciliation between Indigenous people and non-Indigenous Canadians and to be an advocate and teacher for special needs children in schools. I don’t why it only occurred to me in the past week that I can do both in my lifetime.

I feel that God desires Indigenous people to be who they made them to be. They have for to long been forced into the box of Western colonialism. And I feel that God has called me to be a bridge between Indigenous and non-Indigenous people. To say and do what is needed to help non-Indigenous people see the beauty and value in the First People of Canada. To help Canadians understand the history between the government and the Indigenous people, and to encourage a change in the settler mindset towards Indigenous people. To do this in a good way I am pursuing a diploma in Indigenous studies…taught by Indigenous people. I want to hear their voices, know the stories, I want to know the heart of the Indigenous people in BC so I can be a better advocate for them.

Pray for me as I pursue this calling. Pray that I will be humble in heart. That I will be quick to listen and slow to speak. That I would have a discerning heart that is full of compassion and understanding. That I will have ears to hear and a heart to understand.

And even more so, pray for reconciliation and the restoration for the Indigenous people of Canada.